OH MMM GEEEE!!! I had my first consult today with the nutritionist. She seems very nice. I liked her. So far the team at the Center for Weight Loss at St. Francis has been amazing. I have nothing but good things to say about them. Today was a great day however....accept for the leg shaving part but I will get to that in a second lol.
When I got into the office of course I got weighed and my vitals taken ....we do this every time. I get a little nervous. Not about the vitals but about the weight. I need to lose 35 lbs before the surgery to allow for room for the Dr to be able to get around my liver and stuff and also to make it easier on me, so every time I step on that scale I pray the diet I have been on works. Well...today I was shocked and totally excited about it. I have lost 8.2 (yes I'm adding the .2.....it counts! lol) pounds in two weeks! I couldn't believe it. I think that's a record for me! lol The nutritionist was very pleased and she said she was impressed. She said basically whatever I'm doing keep on doing it. The only things she wants me to do more of is more cardio and working out so I said no problem I will make that happen. I was just super excited. I hope I can keep up this momentum.
Ok.....so about the leg shaving part. This morning in the shower I debated...should I shave?? It had been a couple days so they weren't bad...but they were poky. I decided not to because today I was only going to be meeting with the nutritionist and the hematologist so I figured...why would they need to see my legs?? I couldn't have been more wrong lol. First the nutritionist looked at my legs to make sure they weren't swollen or had any pain in my calves. I said, "oh no I didn't shave!" lol she laughed with me (probably more at me lol) and said no worries. Just be glad it's not Dr. Srinkath lol. We laughed and I said," women might be a little more understanding about it" lol and then we just finished up and I moved on to the next appt. Well.....the handsome, young hematology Dr came in and we discussed my family history with the Lyden factor 5 and everything...and then he had me sit up on the table and next thing I know he's lifting my pant leg to look at my legs too!! I was like NOOOOO!!!!! Seriously so embarrassing!! " I started laughing again and I said," oh my gosh I am so embarrassed right now! lol I didn't shave ughh!" He turned his handsome little head and smiled and said," Don't worry this isn't the worse I've seen". lol WHYYYY?!?!?!?! LESSON LEARNED...SHAVE FOR EVERY APPT. at least he had a sense of humor lol. I swear...sometimes the stories I end up with along this journey in life only happen to me...or on a sitcom. My co-worker says I need to write a book lol.
Friday, October 25, 2013
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
losing it
I had my first follow up appt with my Dr. on Monday. It went great. :) I have lost almost two pounds in a week which he was thrilled with and told me to keep it up and I will meet my goal and then some. :) We talked some more about the diet and he said to just keep with it and I will do great.
I also met with the Psychologist Monday for my Psych eval. I talked with the Dr. for a bit so he could get to know my back ground and things. Then I had to take 3 test. I had to read three packets and answer true or false to the questions. There were so many! lol I felt like I was taking my SAT's again. I was led back to a room where there was a table and the booklets all arranged. There were even two number 2 pencils supplied for me. He ran through the directions and left me to it. It seemed like it took forever but it maybe only took 30 min or so. I hope I passed! lol
Tonight I kinda flubbed from the diet but I stopped myself from doing some major damage and got myself back under control. I'm fortunate to have a husband who is being super supportive and my coworker who is eating Yogurt with me at lunch and being supportive at work I couldnt have asked for two better people to help me on this journey.
For those of you who may not know.....I have a ginormous sweet tooth. That has been the hardest part about this sugar free diet! lol I knew it was going to be hard but come on! ugh...I digress. BUT I have found some sugar free drink packets for my water so when I get that urge... I garble down that water and hope it cures that crave. :) So far so good. :)
I also met with the Psychologist Monday for my Psych eval. I talked with the Dr. for a bit so he could get to know my back ground and things. Then I had to take 3 test. I had to read three packets and answer true or false to the questions. There were so many! lol I felt like I was taking my SAT's again. I was led back to a room where there was a table and the booklets all arranged. There were even two number 2 pencils supplied for me. He ran through the directions and left me to it. It seemed like it took forever but it maybe only took 30 min or so. I hope I passed! lol
Tonight I kinda flubbed from the diet but I stopped myself from doing some major damage and got myself back under control. I'm fortunate to have a husband who is being super supportive and my coworker who is eating Yogurt with me at lunch and being supportive at work I couldnt have asked for two better people to help me on this journey.
For those of you who may not know.....I have a ginormous sweet tooth. That has been the hardest part about this sugar free diet! lol I knew it was going to be hard but come on! ugh...I digress. BUT I have found some sugar free drink packets for my water so when I get that urge... I garble down that water and hope it cures that crave. :) So far so good. :)
Wednesday, October 9, 2013
Day two
Today is day two of the diet. I feel confident that I will be able to do this. :) It's not as restricted as it sounds. I still get to enjoy some good stuff. Tonight I made Ryan and I some seared, peppered Talapia. It was pretty good. I also steamed some cauliflower for the side dish. It was yummy.
I finally got ALLLLL my appt's set up and scheduled for the next three months. Most of them are this month BUT I found out today that we can use our leave and sick leave so it won't be as bad. :) I am back to work now...still not getting paid but at least I'm off furlough. I really do hope we get paid soon. It's going to suck if this goes on longer.Anyway.....
I am not too excited for all these tests lol. on one day I have to check in for my Bone Density test at 0700 and then spend pretty much the rest of the day at the hospital to get my radiology tests, labs, and cardiology stuff done. It's gonna be a CRAZY, long day but well worth it. I just better bring a book or something with me to do. I have fasting labs and those totally are NOT my favorite lol but like I said...I understand and appreciate that I'm getting the full work up to make sure I am healthy enough for this surgery.
I also called my insurance company to make sure everything was covered because if I went to an appt and paid a HUGE amount of money for it because it wasn't covered by my insurance then I only have myself to blame for it. They assured me I'm good to go. :)
Well...I'm planning on hittin the hay early tonight. Till next time :)
I finally got ALLLLL my appt's set up and scheduled for the next three months. Most of them are this month BUT I found out today that we can use our leave and sick leave so it won't be as bad. :) I am back to work now...still not getting paid but at least I'm off furlough. I really do hope we get paid soon. It's going to suck if this goes on longer.Anyway.....
I am not too excited for all these tests lol. on one day I have to check in for my Bone Density test at 0700 and then spend pretty much the rest of the day at the hospital to get my radiology tests, labs, and cardiology stuff done. It's gonna be a CRAZY, long day but well worth it. I just better bring a book or something with me to do. I have fasting labs and those totally are NOT my favorite lol but like I said...I understand and appreciate that I'm getting the full work up to make sure I am healthy enough for this surgery.
I also called my insurance company to make sure everything was covered because if I went to an appt and paid a HUGE amount of money for it because it wasn't covered by my insurance then I only have myself to blame for it. They assured me I'm good to go. :)
Well...I'm planning on hittin the hay early tonight. Till next time :)
Monday, October 7, 2013
Consultation Day
So today I had my consultation with my Dr. I really like him. I thought he was funny and he seemed very caring. I felt completely at ease with him. We discussed ALOT of things today which I am excited to start. Starting tomorrow I will be on a very strict diet until my surgery which will be in 3 months. I have to wait that long because I have a lot of tests and things to get done prior to the surgery and I have to have some other appt's that my insurance company requires. All in all the next three months will be busy which comes at a bad time. I got a phone call today from our SGT who said he was informed to tell us to report to work at our scheduled times in the AM. It still doesn't mean we will get paid on time and if the government is shut down they may still not be approving sick leave for Dr appt's and things which could really put a damper on this. Hopefully tomorrow I will find out more and be able to talk to someone with some sense.
I was starting to feel a little overwhelmed with all I need to do with regards to all these other appt's but I am glad they want to make sure there will be no surprises during the surgery. I have to have a EGD in a couple weeks....not really looking forward to it but I understand the reasoning and am grateful the Dr takes his time to make sure I am in good health and up to par for this kind of thing. I also need to see a psychologist ( I know about time huh? lol) to make sure I am mentally ready for the changes to come, and I have to see a cardiologist due to my high blood pressure and my family history which again...I'm totally fine with. Also because of Leiden factor 5 I will need to see the hematologist to make sure there won't be any blood clot issues hopefully with the surgery. Mostly to better understand where I'm at with it.
All in all I am excited to start this process. I already went over the rules with my husband about the first part of the diet and he is on board with it up until I told him about the liquid diet part. He looked at me and said," no way am I doing that" lol. I told him he didn't have to but if he stuck on the other part of the diet that would be good for him. He is a snacker though so I will have to get used to some things being in the house and I will just have to ignore it. The diet we will be starting off with is a low carb low sugar high protein diet. I have been reading the paperwork tonight to try and memorize what we can and can not eat. basically as the DR and nurse put it...if it has 4 legs I can eat it. I can have as many veggies as I want as long as it doesn't grow underground ( good bye yams *insert sad face here*) and no corn and peas. I have to stay away from most fruits due to the sugars but if I need to I can stick with berries like Raspberry's etc. I can eat yogurt and eggs and stuff like that so I am set :)
I know I can do this. :) :)
I was starting to feel a little overwhelmed with all I need to do with regards to all these other appt's but I am glad they want to make sure there will be no surprises during the surgery. I have to have a EGD in a couple weeks....not really looking forward to it but I understand the reasoning and am grateful the Dr takes his time to make sure I am in good health and up to par for this kind of thing. I also need to see a psychologist ( I know about time huh? lol) to make sure I am mentally ready for the changes to come, and I have to see a cardiologist due to my high blood pressure and my family history which again...I'm totally fine with. Also because of Leiden factor 5 I will need to see the hematologist to make sure there won't be any blood clot issues hopefully with the surgery. Mostly to better understand where I'm at with it.
All in all I am excited to start this process. I already went over the rules with my husband about the first part of the diet and he is on board with it up until I told him about the liquid diet part. He looked at me and said," no way am I doing that" lol. I told him he didn't have to but if he stuck on the other part of the diet that would be good for him. He is a snacker though so I will have to get used to some things being in the house and I will just have to ignore it. The diet we will be starting off with is a low carb low sugar high protein diet. I have been reading the paperwork tonight to try and memorize what we can and can not eat. basically as the DR and nurse put it...if it has 4 legs I can eat it. I can have as many veggies as I want as long as it doesn't grow underground ( good bye yams *insert sad face here*) and no corn and peas. I have to stay away from most fruits due to the sugars but if I need to I can stick with berries like Raspberry's etc. I can eat yogurt and eggs and stuff like that so I am set :)
I know I can do this. :) :)
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
Shut Down
Well...today I got my Government shut down letter so I will be home until otherwise told. But I do plan on using the time wisely. Of course there's always projects around the home but also my husband and I can start working out together in the mornings. :) He doesn't know I have this planned yet lol. He is getting ready to take his Air Force Officer Candidate test on the 21st of this month so it will be good for both of us to relieve some stress and get it out at the gym. I'm super proud of my hubby. I don't have a lot to say on this post. I'm just going to take my days in stride, do some long time projects I have been wanting to start and start working out in the mornings which is what I've been wanting to do...just cant seem to do it because I have used work as the excuse. It always seems like the open hours here at the gym at the apartment complex never co-inside with my work schedule. but that is the excuse I have used in the past. NO MORE!! LOL.
I'll finally get to see what it feels like to be a house wife! lol my poor husband.
I'll finally get to see what it feels like to be a house wife! lol my poor husband.
Sunday, September 29, 2013
The Decision
The change I am going to be making and the next chapter in my life is that I will finally be getting a firm grasp on my weight and ridding it hopefully...for the rest of my life. I have decided I will no longer hold myself captive with this. I want to enjoy my life. I have made the decision to get the gastric sleeve surgery. I have thought about it for a year now, doing research and much MUCH pondering and asking myself questions. Am I ready? Can't I just try and lose it on my own? Is this the easy way out? I have prayed about it and thought about it and I have decided this is what I need to do. I have done the gym stuff, done the diets. I have hired professionals to kick my butt at the gym nothing has helped. I have gone to the Dr's done the tests and nothing seems to be wrong medically yet I can't seem to lose it.
I had never really had health problems until this last year. That's what really got me into thinking about another option. When I met my husband I was what I thought at my heaviest. Little did I know that Love could add another 50 pounds lol. I am now currently at my heaviest. I can at least say that my husband married me at my worst lol so I know it's true love lol. It didn't help that when we were dating we went out alot and never went and did anything active. Even from the time we got engaged until our wedding day I tried and tried and tried to watch what I ate because I did NOT want to be to big for my wedding dress. Luckily the wedding dress still fit but it was tight...let me tell ya. I was a little nervous as my mom and sister were trying to cram me into it lol. I felt so pretty that day but at the same time I felt super fat like a decorated puff marshmallow lol. It was a great day and the pictures were beautiful. The whole wedding was beautiful but I didn't feel like it. I think the biggest factor for me was how crummy I had started feeling not only physically but emotionally as well.
A couple years ago I had to have knee surgery for a torn meniscus. To this day my knee still hurts but it's not just my knee anymore. My back hurts, my shoulders hurt, my feet hurt, shoot...even my hands hurt. I hadn't really had any other health problems but this year I was put on a blood pressure medication.I'll be honest that scares me. I want to be around to see my niece and nephew grow up. I want to spend a long, happy life with my husband and eventually start our own family. I decided then I needed to look at other options to gain control. A co-worker of mine had gotten the gastric sleeve surgery and she lost alot of weight. She looks great to this day but seeing her results made me start looking into it and doing some research.
I learned it's a laproscopic surgery. There's no foreign object being left in my body such as with the lap band and there is no re-routing of the digestive system and complications that could come along with that.I will lose about 75% of my stomach but I will be set up with the tools I need to be able to live a healthy, smaller life :).They connect you with a support group and training on how to eat and start your thinking process over about food and gaining good food habits. . I have talked to my husband about it over and over making sure this is something we both feel comfortable with. I don't want to make such a drastic change in my life if he didn't feel comfortable with it...plus I will need him to take care of me for a couple weeks at least lol. I'm excited to think of what the changes could be. I know it won't all be easy but I'm ready for it.
I have my first consultation with my Dr on Oct 7th. I'm nervous but excited. I'm excited to find out for sure if this is really the route I want to take. I'm excited to know the process and some of what I can expect from having this surgery.
I won't lie. I know I let my imagination go wild with the possibilities of what could come. I think about what the new me might look like, I worry I might have a lot of loose skin, or my boobs will become pancakes but then I remind myself theirs surgeries for that lol. I think about where I will be able to shop for new clothes and finally being able to wear cute boots and summer dresses....shoot maybe even skinny jeans again! The ideas run rampant in my mind but the main thoughts are that I will finally be able to enjoy life again. I won't be tired from walking up the stairs or feeling like I'm going to literally die at hot yoga lol. My main line of thinking is that I am going to be getting myself healthier to be able to enjoy those walks with the dog, and mostly to be healthy and start a family with my husband. I want to start off on the right foot. I want to be able to enjoy a hot yoga class and not feel like everyone is staring at me in those mirrors judging me or counting down the time of when the fat girl was gonna have to walk out. lol
Some people may not agree with this decision. I used to think it was the lazy way out. If people would only take the time to work out at least 30 min a day they could lose the weight. But I was never in their shoes. I didn't know what it felt like to be in a state of depression where I felt helpless. I feel like I'm at a state where this weight makes it hard to work out or even just walk. I get winded and am sweating by the time I even get to my desk at work. It's pathetic and I know I only have myself to blame for it. That's whats the most upsetting to me is that I let myself get to this point. I don't look at this surgery as an easy way out though. I know I have a long road ahead of me. This is life changing. Not only for me but for everyone around me. I will have to retrain my ideas of food and my thinking of it as a comfort. I will have to retrain my thoughts on working out and keeping up with it daily because if I don't...I will end up right back here in the spot I don't ever want to be at again.
So with this blog here is what I hope to achieve. With doing my research I read about people tossing the idea around and asking questions themselves. I want to hopefully help people by sharing the pros and cons of this experience. I want to be able to reach out to someone who like myself may feel like there's no hope and be able to reach out to them and let them know there is someone who understands. Who knows what it's like to be obese in a world full of skinny girls.
Just a funny to me thought...
It's always funny to me when I hear on the news about how fat the US is and where the most obese people live at because I swear I have always been the only fat girl in any group of people. I guess you always gotta have one right? lol
I had never really had health problems until this last year. That's what really got me into thinking about another option. When I met my husband I was what I thought at my heaviest. Little did I know that Love could add another 50 pounds lol. I am now currently at my heaviest. I can at least say that my husband married me at my worst lol so I know it's true love lol. It didn't help that when we were dating we went out alot and never went and did anything active. Even from the time we got engaged until our wedding day I tried and tried and tried to watch what I ate because I did NOT want to be to big for my wedding dress. Luckily the wedding dress still fit but it was tight...let me tell ya. I was a little nervous as my mom and sister were trying to cram me into it lol. I felt so pretty that day but at the same time I felt super fat like a decorated puff marshmallow lol. It was a great day and the pictures were beautiful. The whole wedding was beautiful but I didn't feel like it. I think the biggest factor for me was how crummy I had started feeling not only physically but emotionally as well.
A couple years ago I had to have knee surgery for a torn meniscus. To this day my knee still hurts but it's not just my knee anymore. My back hurts, my shoulders hurt, my feet hurt, shoot...even my hands hurt. I hadn't really had any other health problems but this year I was put on a blood pressure medication.I'll be honest that scares me. I want to be around to see my niece and nephew grow up. I want to spend a long, happy life with my husband and eventually start our own family. I decided then I needed to look at other options to gain control. A co-worker of mine had gotten the gastric sleeve surgery and she lost alot of weight. She looks great to this day but seeing her results made me start looking into it and doing some research.
I learned it's a laproscopic surgery. There's no foreign object being left in my body such as with the lap band and there is no re-routing of the digestive system and complications that could come along with that.I will lose about 75% of my stomach but I will be set up with the tools I need to be able to live a healthy, smaller life :).They connect you with a support group and training on how to eat and start your thinking process over about food and gaining good food habits. . I have talked to my husband about it over and over making sure this is something we both feel comfortable with. I don't want to make such a drastic change in my life if he didn't feel comfortable with it...plus I will need him to take care of me for a couple weeks at least lol. I'm excited to think of what the changes could be. I know it won't all be easy but I'm ready for it.
I have my first consultation with my Dr on Oct 7th. I'm nervous but excited. I'm excited to find out for sure if this is really the route I want to take. I'm excited to know the process and some of what I can expect from having this surgery.
I won't lie. I know I let my imagination go wild with the possibilities of what could come. I think about what the new me might look like, I worry I might have a lot of loose skin, or my boobs will become pancakes but then I remind myself theirs surgeries for that lol. I think about where I will be able to shop for new clothes and finally being able to wear cute boots and summer dresses....shoot maybe even skinny jeans again! The ideas run rampant in my mind but the main thoughts are that I will finally be able to enjoy life again. I won't be tired from walking up the stairs or feeling like I'm going to literally die at hot yoga lol. My main line of thinking is that I am going to be getting myself healthier to be able to enjoy those walks with the dog, and mostly to be healthy and start a family with my husband. I want to start off on the right foot. I want to be able to enjoy a hot yoga class and not feel like everyone is staring at me in those mirrors judging me or counting down the time of when the fat girl was gonna have to walk out. lol
Some people may not agree with this decision. I used to think it was the lazy way out. If people would only take the time to work out at least 30 min a day they could lose the weight. But I was never in their shoes. I didn't know what it felt like to be in a state of depression where I felt helpless. I feel like I'm at a state where this weight makes it hard to work out or even just walk. I get winded and am sweating by the time I even get to my desk at work. It's pathetic and I know I only have myself to blame for it. That's whats the most upsetting to me is that I let myself get to this point. I don't look at this surgery as an easy way out though. I know I have a long road ahead of me. This is life changing. Not only for me but for everyone around me. I will have to retrain my ideas of food and my thinking of it as a comfort. I will have to retrain my thoughts on working out and keeping up with it daily because if I don't...I will end up right back here in the spot I don't ever want to be at again.
So with this blog here is what I hope to achieve. With doing my research I read about people tossing the idea around and asking questions themselves. I want to hopefully help people by sharing the pros and cons of this experience. I want to be able to reach out to someone who like myself may feel like there's no hope and be able to reach out to them and let them know there is someone who understands. Who knows what it's like to be obese in a world full of skinny girls.
Just a funny to me thought...
It's always funny to me when I hear on the news about how fat the US is and where the most obese people live at because I swear I have always been the only fat girl in any group of people. I guess you always gotta have one right? lol
chubby beginnings
I am starting this blog mainly for myself to track this new adventure I'm about to embark on but also hopefully to help someone else find the inspiration for themselves to make a change in their life. Change can be scary no matter what it is, small or big. You worry about the "what ifs", the"is this a good idea?" and of course the scariest of them all....... "who's going to judge me if I do this?"
I have struggled with my weight my entire life. I have always been fortunate in my life to never get bullied or mercilessly teased about it but there were moments that stuck with me from my childhood that always reminded me that yes....I was fat. My earliest memory that stung was when I was probably about 6 or so. My family every summer would go to a family camp. It was a huge camp that surrounded a lake and it was always so much fun. My sisters and I would swim and go out on the canoes and run all over with the rest of the kids. It's mainly great memories for me, but there was a guy I remember who used to call me Higley Pigley. Now mind you Higley was my last name at that time so of course Pigley was a great follow up if you were looking for a rhyme but it still stuck in my mind. Even at 6 years old I knew what it meant and even if I wasn't a fat girl then it sure made me feel like I was. I am sure he was just trying to be funny but as a kid hearing an adult say that to you it definitely stings.Now don't get me wrong, he wasn't the only one to use that rhyme but for some reason that is one that stuck with me. When I started the 6th grade I was only 92 pounds and probably close to 5 ft tall. I finally felt like I had thinned out and grown taller and felt good about myself. I actually even convinced my mom to buy me a swim suit that had the cut out in the belly and the back. It was like a two piece but it was attached at the side. It was a black suit with bright green trim and a bright green design on the front top part. I loved that suit. I felt great! Then I got into 7th grade. I gained weight quickly. It felt like it was over night. I just seemed to balloon up and I didn't know why. I was an active kid. I swam, ran around with friends in the neighborhood, rode bikes, went horseback riding....I just didn't understand it but it definitely made me hide and made me very shy. Even though I still had alot of friends and like I said I never had anyone in my school tease me I still felt ashamed. I also remember there was alot of family down visiting at my grandparents and I can't remember what it was for but I definitely remember there was a cake. All of us grand kids had a piece and were sitting in the TV room and I had gone back into the kitchen to throw my plate away and an uncle turns to me and says, "Wow, you inhaled that." I will never forget the shame I felt and the embarrassment. I remember thinking I hadn't felt like I had horked it down but I made an extra effort to be one of the last ones to throw my plate away after that whenever he was around.
Like I said, I was an active kid. even all through high school. I swam varsity on swim team, showed horses and dogs in 4-H, went on youth group trips. I didn't let my weight slow me down. I was a lifeguard and I taught swimming lessons year round. I basically lived in a swim suit from the time I was 15 until I graduated high school. I didn't let my insecurities show or stop me from doing things I enjoyed. I left for college in the fall of 2001. I lived in the dorms at school. I was super shy and totally terrified but after my mom and dad left after helping me move my stuff into my room and hook up my lap top and printer I decided that I would not let me fears and shyness get in the way of me making friends. I didn't know a soul there but I made a decision that changed my life forever and that made me realize that it's a good thing to put yourself in unknown territory sometimes and make yourself uncomfortable. It's OK to change your routine and you will be surprised at what you learn about yourself. I made myself go to the communal areas and meet people. I met some of the greatest people of my life there. Some of them I still keep in touch with. That year was the best of my life...at that time. I started working out with one of the girls from the dorms. She was a great work out buddy. She never missed a day and she was super motivational. She had a drive I was envy of but she helped me lose about 80 pounds. I remember how good I felt when I came home and people would say,"wow you look so great!" or make comments like, "you look amazing, how did you do it?" etc. I loved the attention I got. It made me feel so good like I could accomplish anything now. Even when I moved home I would take my black Lab Annie out on walks/jogs and a regular bases. Then when I moved into Tacoma...I got lazy. I felt like I could eat anything and do whatever I wanted. I hadn't worked out in forever and I was living off 1 dollar cheeseburgers and chicken sandwiches from McDonald's lol. Before I knew it...my skinny jeans wouldn't even button up anymore. They could barely make it over my hips. Little did I know that would be just the beginning.
I have struggled with my weight my entire life. I have always been fortunate in my life to never get bullied or mercilessly teased about it but there were moments that stuck with me from my childhood that always reminded me that yes....I was fat. My earliest memory that stung was when I was probably about 6 or so. My family every summer would go to a family camp. It was a huge camp that surrounded a lake and it was always so much fun. My sisters and I would swim and go out on the canoes and run all over with the rest of the kids. It's mainly great memories for me, but there was a guy I remember who used to call me Higley Pigley. Now mind you Higley was my last name at that time so of course Pigley was a great follow up if you were looking for a rhyme but it still stuck in my mind. Even at 6 years old I knew what it meant and even if I wasn't a fat girl then it sure made me feel like I was. I am sure he was just trying to be funny but as a kid hearing an adult say that to you it definitely stings.Now don't get me wrong, he wasn't the only one to use that rhyme but for some reason that is one that stuck with me. When I started the 6th grade I was only 92 pounds and probably close to 5 ft tall. I finally felt like I had thinned out and grown taller and felt good about myself. I actually even convinced my mom to buy me a swim suit that had the cut out in the belly and the back. It was like a two piece but it was attached at the side. It was a black suit with bright green trim and a bright green design on the front top part. I loved that suit. I felt great! Then I got into 7th grade. I gained weight quickly. It felt like it was over night. I just seemed to balloon up and I didn't know why. I was an active kid. I swam, ran around with friends in the neighborhood, rode bikes, went horseback riding....I just didn't understand it but it definitely made me hide and made me very shy. Even though I still had alot of friends and like I said I never had anyone in my school tease me I still felt ashamed. I also remember there was alot of family down visiting at my grandparents and I can't remember what it was for but I definitely remember there was a cake. All of us grand kids had a piece and were sitting in the TV room and I had gone back into the kitchen to throw my plate away and an uncle turns to me and says, "Wow, you inhaled that." I will never forget the shame I felt and the embarrassment. I remember thinking I hadn't felt like I had horked it down but I made an extra effort to be one of the last ones to throw my plate away after that whenever he was around.
Like I said, I was an active kid. even all through high school. I swam varsity on swim team, showed horses and dogs in 4-H, went on youth group trips. I didn't let my weight slow me down. I was a lifeguard and I taught swimming lessons year round. I basically lived in a swim suit from the time I was 15 until I graduated high school. I didn't let my insecurities show or stop me from doing things I enjoyed. I left for college in the fall of 2001. I lived in the dorms at school. I was super shy and totally terrified but after my mom and dad left after helping me move my stuff into my room and hook up my lap top and printer I decided that I would not let me fears and shyness get in the way of me making friends. I didn't know a soul there but I made a decision that changed my life forever and that made me realize that it's a good thing to put yourself in unknown territory sometimes and make yourself uncomfortable. It's OK to change your routine and you will be surprised at what you learn about yourself. I made myself go to the communal areas and meet people. I met some of the greatest people of my life there. Some of them I still keep in touch with. That year was the best of my life...at that time. I started working out with one of the girls from the dorms. She was a great work out buddy. She never missed a day and she was super motivational. She had a drive I was envy of but she helped me lose about 80 pounds. I remember how good I felt when I came home and people would say,"wow you look so great!" or make comments like, "you look amazing, how did you do it?" etc. I loved the attention I got. It made me feel so good like I could accomplish anything now. Even when I moved home I would take my black Lab Annie out on walks/jogs and a regular bases. Then when I moved into Tacoma...I got lazy. I felt like I could eat anything and do whatever I wanted. I hadn't worked out in forever and I was living off 1 dollar cheeseburgers and chicken sandwiches from McDonald's lol. Before I knew it...my skinny jeans wouldn't even button up anymore. They could barely make it over my hips. Little did I know that would be just the beginning.
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