I have struggled with my weight my entire life. I have always been fortunate in my life to never get bullied or mercilessly teased about it but there were moments that stuck with me from my childhood that always reminded me that yes....I was fat. My earliest memory that stung was when I was probably about 6 or so. My family every summer would go to a family camp. It was a huge camp that surrounded a lake and it was always so much fun. My sisters and I would swim and go out on the canoes and run all over with the rest of the kids. It's mainly great memories for me, but there was a guy I remember who used to call me Higley Pigley. Now mind you Higley was my last name at that time so of course Pigley was a great follow up if you were looking for a rhyme but it still stuck in my mind. Even at 6 years old I knew what it meant and even if I wasn't a fat girl then it sure made me feel like I was. I am sure he was just trying to be funny but as a kid hearing an adult say that to you it definitely stings.Now don't get me wrong, he wasn't the only one to use that rhyme but for some reason that is one that stuck with me. When I started the 6th grade I was only 92 pounds and probably close to 5 ft tall. I finally felt like I had thinned out and grown taller and felt good about myself. I actually even convinced my mom to buy me a swim suit that had the cut out in the belly and the back. It was like a two piece but it was attached at the side. It was a black suit with bright green trim and a bright green design on the front top part. I loved that suit. I felt great! Then I got into 7th grade. I gained weight quickly. It felt like it was over night. I just seemed to balloon up and I didn't know why. I was an active kid. I swam, ran around with friends in the neighborhood, rode bikes, went horseback riding....I just didn't understand it but it definitely made me hide and made me very shy. Even though I still had alot of friends and like I said I never had anyone in my school tease me I still felt ashamed. I also remember there was alot of family down visiting at my grandparents and I can't remember what it was for but I definitely remember there was a cake. All of us grand kids had a piece and were sitting in the TV room and I had gone back into the kitchen to throw my plate away and an uncle turns to me and says, "Wow, you inhaled that." I will never forget the shame I felt and the embarrassment. I remember thinking I hadn't felt like I had horked it down but I made an extra effort to be one of the last ones to throw my plate away after that whenever he was around.
Like I said, I was an active kid. even all through high school. I swam varsity on swim team, showed horses and dogs in 4-H, went on youth group trips. I didn't let my weight slow me down. I was a lifeguard and I taught swimming lessons year round. I basically lived in a swim suit from the time I was 15 until I graduated high school. I didn't let my insecurities show or stop me from doing things I enjoyed. I left for college in the fall of 2001. I lived in the dorms at school. I was super shy and totally terrified but after my mom and dad left after helping me move my stuff into my room and hook up my lap top and printer I decided that I would not let me fears and shyness get in the way of me making friends. I didn't know a soul there but I made a decision that changed my life forever and that made me realize that it's a good thing to put yourself in unknown territory sometimes and make yourself uncomfortable. It's OK to change your routine and you will be surprised at what you learn about yourself. I made myself go to the communal areas and meet people. I met some of the greatest people of my life there. Some of them I still keep in touch with. That year was the best of my life...at that time. I started working out with one of the girls from the dorms. She was a great work out buddy. She never missed a day and she was super motivational. She had a drive I was envy of but she helped me lose about 80 pounds. I remember how good I felt when I came home and people would say,"wow you look so great!" or make comments like, "you look amazing, how did you do it?" etc. I loved the attention I got. It made me feel so good like I could accomplish anything now. Even when I moved home I would take my black Lab Annie out on walks/jogs and a regular bases. Then when I moved into Tacoma...I got lazy. I felt like I could eat anything and do whatever I wanted. I hadn't worked out in forever and I was living off 1 dollar cheeseburgers and chicken sandwiches from McDonald's lol. Before I knew it...my skinny jeans wouldn't even button up anymore. They could barely make it over my hips. Little did I know that would be just the beginning.
No comments:
Post a Comment