The Decision

The change I am going to be making and the next chapter in my life is that I will finally be getting a firm grasp on my weight and ridding it hopefully...for the rest of my life. I have decided I will no longer hold myself captive with this. I want to enjoy my life. I have made the decision to get the gastric sleeve surgery. I have thought about it for a year now, doing research and much MUCH pondering and asking myself questions. Am I ready? Can't I just try and lose it on my own? Is this the easy way out? I have prayed about it and thought about it and I have decided this is what I need to do. I have done the gym stuff, done the diets. I have hired professionals to kick my butt at the gym nothing has helped. I have gone to the Dr's done the tests and nothing seems to be wrong medically yet I can't seem to lose it.
I had never really had health problems until this last year. That's what really got me into thinking about another option. When I met my husband I was what I thought at my heaviest. Little did I know that Love could add another 50 pounds lol. I am now currently at my heaviest. I can at least say that my husband married me at my worst lol so I know it's true love lol. It didn't help that when we were dating we went out alot and never went and did anything active. Even from the time we got engaged until our wedding day I tried and tried and tried to watch what I ate because I did NOT want to be to big for my wedding dress. Luckily the wedding dress still fit but it was tight...let me tell ya. I was a little nervous as my mom and sister were trying to cram me into it lol. I felt so pretty that day but at the same time I felt super fat like a decorated puff marshmallow lol. It was a great day and the pictures were beautiful. The whole wedding was beautiful but I didn't feel like it. I think the biggest factor for me was how crummy I had started feeling not only physically but emotionally as well.
A couple years ago I had to have knee surgery for a torn meniscus. To this day my knee still hurts but it's not just my knee anymore. My back hurts, my shoulders hurt, my feet hurt, shoot...even my hands hurt. I hadn't really had any other health problems but this year I was put on a blood pressure medication.I'll be honest that scares me. I want to be around to see my niece and nephew grow up. I want to spend a long, happy life with my husband and eventually start our own family.  I decided then I needed to look at other options to gain control. A co-worker of mine had gotten the gastric sleeve surgery and she lost alot of weight. She looks great to this day but seeing her results made me start looking into it and doing some research.
I learned it's a laproscopic surgery. There's no foreign object being left in my body such as with the lap band and there is no re-routing of the digestive system and complications that could come along with that.I will lose about 75% of my stomach but I will be set up with the tools I need to be able to live a healthy, smaller life :).They connect you with a support group and training on how to eat and start your thinking process over about food and gaining good food habits. . I have talked to my husband about it over and over making sure this is something we both feel comfortable with.  I don't want to make such a drastic change in my life if he didn't feel comfortable with it...plus I will need him to take care of me for a couple weeks at least lol. I'm excited to think of what the changes could be. I know it won't all be easy but I'm ready for it.
I have my first consultation with my Dr on Oct 7th. I'm nervous but excited. I'm excited to find out for sure if this is really the route I want to take. I'm excited to know the process and some of what I can expect from having this surgery.
I won't lie. I know I let my imagination go wild with the possibilities of what could come. I think about what the new me might look like, I worry I might have a lot of loose skin, or my boobs will become pancakes but then I remind myself theirs surgeries for that lol. I think about where I will be able to shop for new clothes and finally being able to wear cute boots and summer dresses....shoot maybe even skinny jeans again! The ideas run rampant in my mind but the main thoughts are that I will finally be able to enjoy life again. I won't be tired from walking up the stairs or feeling like I'm going to literally die at hot yoga lol. My main line of thinking is that I am going to be getting myself healthier to be able to enjoy those walks with the dog, and mostly to be healthy and start a family with my husband. I want to start off on the right foot. I want to be able to enjoy a hot yoga class and not feel like everyone is staring at me in those mirrors judging me or counting down the time of when the fat girl was gonna have to walk out. lol
Some people may not agree with this decision. I used to think it was the lazy way out. If people would only take the time to work out at least 30 min a day they could lose the weight. But I was never in their shoes. I didn't know what it felt like to be in a state of depression where I felt helpless. I feel like I'm at a state where this weight makes it hard to work out or even just walk. I get winded and am sweating by the time I even get to my desk at work. It's pathetic and I know I only have myself to blame for it. That's whats the most upsetting to me is that I let myself get to this point. I don't look at this surgery as an easy way out though. I know I have a long road ahead of me. This is life changing. Not only for me but for everyone around me. I will have to retrain my ideas of food and my thinking of it as a comfort. I will have to retrain my thoughts on working out and keeping up with it daily because if I don't...I will end up right back here in the spot I don't ever want to be at again.


So with this blog here is what I hope to achieve. With doing my research I read about people tossing the idea around and asking questions themselves. I want to hopefully help people by sharing the pros and cons of this experience. I want to be able to reach out to someone who like myself may feel like there's no hope and be able to reach out to them and let them know there is someone who understands. Who knows what it's like to be obese in a world full of skinny girls.

Just a funny to me thought...
 It's always funny to me when I hear on the news about how fat the US is and where the most obese people live at because I swear I have always been the only fat girl in any group of people. I guess you always gotta have one right? lol